Lifting Beer Kegs-Dangers Cited By OSHA (Bureaucratic Tips From D.C. Desk Jockeys)
Posted by Bob Skilnik on February 19, 2008
I’m always amazed when I run across a government-funded study that cites the obvious (Eating Pistacchio Nuts Causes Red Fingers, Touching Frigid Flagpoles With Wet Penis Can Cause Sterility, etc.). Where can I apply for a $150,000 grant to state the obvious?
With this in mind, I’m intrigued with a detailed ergonomic report from the U.S. Department of Labor’s Occupational Safety & Health Administration on the proper handling of beer kegs (“Kids, don’t try this at home!”) That’s right, the feds have devoted an entire section of the OSHA website on lifting beer kegs, including additional tabs that will connect you to “Additional References” (Once again, how does a writer jump on a government gravy train like this?)
And more links to “Credits,” a “Disclaimer” that probably took a group of government lawyers a month to compose, and finally, “Viewing/Printing Instructions,” tab, just in case you’re confronted with a beer keg out in a dorm hallway one day and you don’t know how to approach it (“Thank God that Beer (& More) In Food included a print link, just in case an errant beer keg ever crossed my path!”)
Did you know that a full keg of beer weighs approximately 162 pounds? Drop that little tidbit of info at your next college kegger and watch as your fellow male beer drinkers defer to your superior intellect and women (especially the ones who are on their 10th plastic cup of beer) drop at your feet. If that line doesn’t work, try this one; “Generally the torso should not be bent forward more than 6 to 10 degrees from vertical and reaches should not exceed 16 to 17 inches [when lifting a keg].”
If you don’t get any action after imparting this important bit of keg calculus, ask your potential bedmate if she’d be interested in a demonstration back in your room of the “…basics of body biomechanics and the importance of performing lifting, pushing and pulling tasks at approximately mid chest level or lower,” another tip from those party animals at OSHA.