What Is Anheuser-Busch Smoking?
Posted by Bob Skilnik on October 27, 2008
A-B has Ira Glass hawking Budweiser American Ale. IRA GLASS.
A-B thinks that this NPR snob represents the typical Bud American Ale drinker?
A few years ago, A-B was trying to figure out who the market was for Bud Select, a low-calorie/low-carb beer that A-B went out of its way not to promote these attributes. The hired some “rap artist” for a $2 mil contract, dressed up like a blinged-up pimp while exciting some pimped-out car that was worth more money than every house on my block. 2 million freaking dollars. Now if someone can find me 2 black beer drinkers who drink (1) A Bud product and (2) A low calorie/carb A-B beer, you’ll be looking for the rest of your life.
Here it is, a few year laters. Right now, they’re still trying to figure out the beer’s market. The last commercial I saw was a bunch of WASP with their sweaters tied around their necks, and I think they were playing golf. This time we were told that the beer had a rich, bold taste. That commercial too was buried about a month later. I imagine the next attempt at this beer being promoted again before they simply dump the rest of it in their buffalo wing sauce, will be a group of starving North Koreans huddling by the only working light bulb in their village. Perhaps they’ll sing songs about the “Great Leader” while commenting on the rich, bold tatste of such a low-calorie/carb beer.
Please A-B, call me. I’ll do a focus group for you for thousands less and I’ll tell you this: Black and overpaid hip-hop artist exiting a million dollar car and dressed up like a walking South African diamond mine will not make this middle-aged white guy go out and buy a beer that is so poorly positioned.
If you want to sell Bud American Ale, send me a case and $10,000 and I’ll sell more beer in a week than Ira Glass will sell during the High Holy Days. Ira Glass? This guy suckles from the PBS teats of the American taxpayer but he represents the demographic that A-B wants to drink Budweiser American Ale? Ira Glass? Oh wait…Wally Cox is dead.
Fire these PR people. They’re laughable. Or simply spray some cold water on the blouses of non-bra wearing and well-endowed blondes while swigging down Select. I could save A-B millions and ready some dry towels for the girls…or maybe not.